For a long time I judged being “peaceful” and people’s desire for it. (I know, please don’t judge me. lol!) My younger self thought, “why wouldn’t you desire something more than peace!?!”. Peace seemed dull, boring and uninspiring. Now that I think of it, I’m not even sure where this perspective came from.
In the past, my habit was to bounce from pain to ____ (insert any positive emotion). I used frenetic activity and busyness to pull me out of my pain and change how I was feeling. This habit served me really well until covid happened. When everything slowed down, I had less distractions and the emotional pain I had been avoiding became intense. I tried to lean into my old coping mechanisms, but they were either unavailable or had lost their impact.
I felt numb, confused and blah….on my good days. There were days of extreme pain when I questioned if I even wanted to be alive anymore. Then, I started to ask myself “What do I want to feel?” It was peace.
I laughed. Because here I was facing this word that I had judged (resisted) for so long. But I was in so much discomfort that I finally admitted: “fuck it, fine, I WANT PEACE”. That acknowledgment led me down a path of making a series of decisions that showed me what peace really was.
Peace became spaciousness, relaxation, quiet and lightness.
It became a feeling of release, which perfectly describes the moment that I let go and allowed my pain, my bliss, my plans, my past, my present, and allowed myself to just be. I let go of needing to change any of it and that created a space of stillness within me.
In this stillness I was able to truly listen and discover different aspects of me that were hidden and calling out to me.
I realized that my habit of avoiding pain was driven by my past experiences rather than the truth of who I was now. AND, it was only when I gave myself a moment of PEACE that I was able to connect with the truth of who I am and what I wanted, NOW.
I found that when I moved from a space of Peace, I was more present in the experiences that I created because I was focused on creating what I wanted to feel rather than running away from what I didn’t want to feel – my pain.
So lately I have been on a mission of choosing PEACE daily. Giving myself the time and spaciousness to be still and let go.
Are you being called to let go as well? To discover your own inner peace?
We would love to hear more about your own relationship to peace. Reach out on our FB page and let us know.