I’m co-leading a 12 week Journey Into Self Love program with Matthew. Week 3 we were focusing on connecting with our hearts. As I do the meditation and tapping, I recognize I’m not as connected to my heart as I usually am. (We teach what we most want to learn right?!) By the end of the week I have a really big insight: my heart was not happy and my disconnection had been keeping me blissfully unaware!
I’ve been extra busy, juggling more balls than usual since the start of the year as I am between admin. assistants. Between doing all the admin work, as well as working on finishing the book I am writing, I haven’t spent as much time doing the thing that makes my heart happiest: coaching clients. I’ve made the best of a very stressful time by focusing on what’s going well and celebrating all the things I am getting done. I love feeling “productive” and “effective”. (Lol, I’m well trained high-achiever) My busyness makes me feel “accomplished”, “good”, “worthwhile” and “worthy”. I had fallen right back into that old trap that led me down the path of burnout 3 times!!
My indecisiveness should have been a clue how disconnected I was (the heart always knows what it wants) because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do for my 60th birthday in March. Did I want a big party with everyone I know? Or an intimate gathering? Did I want to rent a beautiful villa on the beach and invite my closest family and friends?
The villas I wanted were either unavailable or beyond my budget. The place that was available felt like settling for less than I really wanted. I felt torn. Indecisive – which is a state I hold a lot of judgment for. (Oy vey! Another opportunity to practice self acceptance.)
After doing the ‘tapping on your hearts desires’ mediation daily in week 3, I suddenly had an inspired idea to write a note to each person who has played a significant role, or made a difference in my life. I decided I would start by making that list and then extrapolate the people for the celebration(s) from there. The list is long and creating it was like doing a whole life review. It brought up so many memories!
And it reconnected me with my heart. ????
I felt old hurts I didn’t realize I was still holding on to.
I felt deep gratitude and appreciation for all the ways I have been supported along the way.
I felt the sorrow for the loss of the ones who are no longer here.
I felt humbled by the fact I did not accomplish all the things that I have, on my own.
I felt a wave of fear when I recognized that I have more years of life behind me than in front of me.
I cried tears of sorrow, joy, gratitude and love.
I gave myself the time and space to feel deeply the results of a life well lived. To embrace all of it. And to be open to whatever is next.
Have you been unconsciously avoiding connecting with your heart too? What are you avoiding feeling?
Maybe you are afraid you can’t handle the big emotions. Maybe there is a big dream you’ve talked yourself out of. Maybe you’ve been breaking your own heart daily – by going to a job you hate or staying in a relationship that’s toxic. Maybe your heart is frozen with fear.
Where ever you find yourself here are 2 tools to help you reconnect with your heart: 1 – Spend a few minutes thinking about someone or something or some place that you love. That brings a smile to your face and warmth to your heart when you think of them. 2 – Go on what Abraham-Hicks calls a “Rampage of Appreciation”. You can listen to one here.
I’ve been down this road many, many times and here’s the good news: You can’t f*ck this up! No matter how much you disconnect from heart, tune it out or shut it down, eventually your soul will find a way to get your attention. To awaken you to what you are doing and give you the opportunity to reconnect with your truth.
Everyday is a new day and anytime you choose you get to change course or start over. You get to forgive yourself and love yourself anyway. The entire Universe is conspiring ON your behalf to support you, love you and give you the desires of your heart – you just need to be willing to connect with it and get clear on what those desires are.
If you’d like to explore how we can support you in doing this, you can book a complementary discovery call here.
P.S. I highly recommend doing a similar life review exercise for yourself. It’s heart warming. ????