Have you ever found yourself puzzled by your reaction (or over reaction) to a situation?
Where your response to a person or a situation seems out of proportion to the incident or uncharacteristic for you?
Or maybe you are just puzzled by why you keep procrastinating around doing something that you really want to do! (Like keeping those New Years resolutions you set and don’t keep every year!)
It can be so frustrating when you know better and don’t do better! You’re trying to get out of your own way but you can’t! You know you are sabotaging yourself but you can’t seem to make yourself stop. And you start beating yourself up in your mind (which only makes you even more frustrated, depressed, demotivated and stressed!)
Getting unstuck or ending self sabotage requires two things:
1) Becoming aware that you are stuck or self sabotaging.
Unfortunately, we are often blissfully unaware and can be the last to see that we are sabotaging ourselves. It’s in your “blind spot”. (I’ve got a solution for you, so keep reading)
2) Understand your why.
There is always a reason why you are procrastinating or sabotaging yourself, you may need some help in figuring out why that is, but once you do, it is can change your response.
It is never your mature, adult self who is trying to sabotage you. It is your “inner child”: The part of you that interpreted some of your past experiences as negative or even dangerous and is trying to keep you safe or prevent you from having a negative experiences.
When you are young your brain is like a sponge, absorbing information from your environment. You are being conditioned. You are highly impressionable and do not have the capability to reason. The prefrontal cortex (a part of the frontal lobe of your brain) is not yet fully developed. It is involved in the expression of your personality and “appropriate social behavior”.
Have you ever noticed that when you are stressed you are much more likely to exhibit behaviors that are out of the norm for you? Maybe even behave in a “child-like” way?
That’s because when you are stressed, the hormones your body produces (cortisol and adrenaline) suppress the function of your prefrontal cortex and you are operating from a much more primitive part of your brain called the amygdala (whose job is to scan for threats and protect us). When this happens you respond to everything as if it were a threat! You unconsciously begin to protect yourself from everything and everyone and may find yourself exhibiting perplexing behaviors like creating an argument with your significant other or your child when you would really rather be connecting and having a joyful time; procrastinating on doing things you know are good for you, like eating healthier or exercising; shutting up when you really want to speak up, not asking for the help you want, getting tongue tied or a brain fog when having a sales conversation with a potential client,
This is often what is at play when you are stepping into new and uncharted territory in your life: starting or expanding your business, ending or starting a relationship, dealing with a crisis (health, family, financial) – anytime you are learning new skills, taking big risks and trying to play a bigger game. This is when having the support of a coach or mentor is particularly useful. We can help you see what you can’t because it’s in your blind spot. We can support you in shifting back into a different state where you function from your most mature, wise, confident, experienced, brilliant self and keeping you moving forward despite your doubts and fears (that are sneakily presenting in the form of subtle self sabotage such as chronic procrastination, stage fright, overspending, not paying your bills, habitual lying, etc)
How long does it take you to realize your struggling with something and admit you need help?
And how long does it take you to actually reach out and ask for the help?
What are some of the stories you tell yourself around it? “I should be able to do this myself!”.
“Why can’t I figure it out?” “I’m too ashamed, I don’t want anyone else to know”.
One of the biggest challenges for us women in achieving success with joy and ease is our conditioning around being able to accept support. It seems that the more educated, smart and accomplished we become, the more we feel we should be able to do it ourselves!
Unfortunately, brilliance, experience, aptitude and wisdom do not exclude you from having your own blind-spots and it is easy to assume you don’t have any when you are brilliant, wise, accomplished etc.
Sure, if you struggle with something long enough you will find a solution, but why would you need to suffer first?
I think one of the smartest things I have learned to do as I have matured is to invest in getting the help I need and not needing to wait and struggle and beat myself up before I get some help! I find I spend less time stuck and spinning my wheels and move forward faster.
Make 2014 your best year yet! Schedule a complimentary discovery session with me now and let’s get you clear on what you want, what’s in your way and create a plan to get you where you want to be!