Why is is that we seem to feel ashamed when we are being challenged in our lives? As if we “shouldn’t” have problems?
I’ve noticed It seems to be even more challenging the smarter and more successful we become.
We feel we “should”:
… know better
… be able to handle it alone
… not even be feeling the way we feel!
These judgements often cause us to withdraw and not want to talk about what’s going on, even with our closest friends. The problem with this is that there is no one to challenge our skewed point of view and we can get stuck in a place of misery and pain, unable to access the very support we need.
The good news is that eventually we grow sick and tired of struggling, feeling isolated and feeling bad.
Often times just talking about the problem with someone allows us to hear and question our perspective and maybe even see things from a different perspective. Sometimes as we hear ourselves talk, the solution suddenly becomes clear (Oprah calls this an “Aha Moment”), or the other person may offer some insight or a solution that you had not considered.
So next time you catch yourself judging yourself for feeling challenged or struggling with something, reach out. Find someone you can trust to talk things over with and be open to letting the solution come to you easily. You don’t have to go it alone.
If you’re really resistant to talking with someone else about it, talk to yourself! Ask yourself “why?”.
Is it hard for you to trust because you’ve been betrayed before?
Are you afraid you will appear weak? stupid? needy? Incompetent?
This is another way challenging situations can serve us: by helping us to grow. To become more aware of ourselves and the world around us. To have an opportunity to heal something from our past that continues to limit us in some way. Like the time when I was trying to understand why I would make money but not accumulate it. I had been taught that money was a magnifier. It made you more of whatever you already were. I realized that on some level I felt that I was a mean person (I have no conscious memory of when or by whom this belief was implanted – probably some childhood incident when I wouldn’t lend or give something of mine to someone else who wanted it). Anyhow, my subconscious mind would create situations for me to spend the money as fast as I made it (so that I wouldn’t have too much) because I wouldn’t want it to “magnify” the traits I judged as negative, such as being “mean”.
Once I became aware of how this belief and how it was limiting me, I chose to change it. I questioned the validity of the belief “I am a mean person” and found it to be completely false, thereby setting myself free to start accumulating money. Yay!
So what judgements and false beliefs are holding you back? What would you be embarrassed or ashamed to admit about yourself? I challenge you to hold it up to the light of awareness and question it’s validity. Whether you decide it’s true of false, you have the power to change it and set yourself free!
*P.S. I LOVE to read your comments so please leave them below! (even if it’s just to let me know you were here)
Very insightful and positive. I really liked this!
Great blog Helen. Very well written. I really like your perspective. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Jo Lyn!
I applaud your transparency! Very helpful info for me – especially today. THANK YOU for speaking your truth and sharing it.
You’re most welcome Deidre! I appreciate you taking the time to let me know!
Posted on I’d must test with you here, which isn’t something I ulualsy do! I get pleasure from reading a post that will make folks think. Thanks for permitting me to remark!