I used to HATE confrontation. I would avoid it like the plague because I was raised to believe it’s “not nice” and I placed a high value on being “nice”. Is that true for you too?
It’s one of the driving forces behind what I call “TOXIC NICENESS” (where we hold back from expressing how we really feel for fear of hurting someones feelings or to avoid them thinking badly of us.)
Fear of confronting (looking at or speaking the truth) is also what causes us to put things in our “blind-spot” -i.e. – just outside of our conscious awareness. The problem with this is that we can’t change what we can’t see and ultimately it ends up costing us – literally.
I was taking a client through a process to help her get to the bottom of her lack of success in building a business. She did initially had some success and reached a point where she would have to take a leap of faith and leave her job to have the time, space and energy to take on more clients and have her business grow further.
She set a date to leave the job, but the date came and went. Interestingly, over the next few months her business started to decline. Clients did not renew and a current client (who she kept seeing even though she was 3 months in arrears on her payments) was off on a European holiday while she was struggling to pay her bills and getting deeper into debt.
In order to shift the results she was getting I had to help her confront (take an honest look at) some things within herself like:
Why was it OK to continue to deliver services to a client who was 3 months in arrears on her payments? (putting the clients needs/desires ahead of her own)
Why was it OK to continue to go to a job everyday that she knew she didn’t love for the past 18 months?
She also had to be willing to confront (take a look at) what risks she would have to take to go for her big dream. The things that come to mind first are never the truest, deepest reasons. The ones that are really holding you back are hidden, disguised, buried deep.
The most obvious risk was leaving her job and dedicating more time to her business. (The perceived risk was financial insecurity, being destitute and having to depend on others for help if she failed).
Putting herself “out there” asking people to do business with her (perceived risk: feeling “rejected” every time she heard “No”).
As we dug a little deeper, there was the fear of being judged by others for wanting more – fame, success, wealth. There was a belief that “nobody wants to hear that you are doing well”. Creating a perceived risk of being isolated and alone.
It’s important to know that these perceived risks are all figments of the imagination based on your past experiences, what happened to someone else, or maybe even a movie you saw. Very rarely are they actually based in truth.
Next we confronted (looked at) what her fear of taking a leap of faith was costing her and had her tune into the emotions it evoked and where in her body they were being held. We also looked at the practical steps she needed to take next.
Through this process of courageous confrontation she was able to collect the money owed to her by her client and commit to a date to quit the job that was not inspiring. She also ‘miraculously’ started seeing jobs advertised that were more aligned with what she loved and is in action on growing her business again.
When you are out of alignment with your deepest truth; when your fear has you refusing to confront (see or address) this misalignment, life (Love) will get your attention through pain – mental, emotional or physical – to bring it to your awareness and give you an opportunity to get back in alignment (a state of ease, flow, joy and abundance).
It will show up in the places that make it hard to ignore – like your finances, your health and the relationships that matter to you most.
Is life (Love) asking you to pay attention right now? Is there an opportunity presenting itself?
However the pain or challenge is showing up, know that it is here FOR you. For your growth and expansion. It is an answer to a prayer you have had. It has a gift for you.
Sometimes we need help getting to the root of the issue because it’s hidden in the darkness of your subconscious mind (your blind spot).
Contact me if you know you need help – it’s where I play best. 🙂